Vedic meditation teacher Matt Ringrose shares how to identify – and let go of – whatever is holding you back
Change is a concept universal to the human experience, but still we lean towards holding on. Even when we know that moving on from a situation, dynamic, or relationship is the best thing for us, it can be extremely difficult to cut the cord. The phrase “letting go” has become a familiar term, but what is less clear, is how to actually do it. Letting go might sound vague, but in truth, it’s a technique we can learn to break free of old patterns and finally find peace.
“The practice of letting go is all about releasing the things we are attached to, but that are holding us back,” says Matt Ringrose, a Vedic meditation teacher and the founder of Bondi Meditation Centre. “As humans, we have a natural tendency to resist change, so we often hold onto things just to keep them the same, even if they’re not good for us and cause us to suffer. This practice is about breaking that pattern and letting go of those things that have become irrelevant in our lives and are blocking our growth.”
Here is how to start letting go of all that’s holding you back.
What is the power in being able to let go?
“It’s important because the way that life works is that it likes to flow in the direction of growth,” explains Matt. “When we hold on we’re fighting that flow. We’re going against nature’s plan. It’s like swimming against the current in a fast flowing river. We might be able to swim on the spot for a while, but sooner or later the current will take us downstream. All we will have achieved is delaying the inevitable and causing ourselves to suffer.”
A real-life example Matt shares is one we’ve all experienced: we’re stuck in a romantic relationship which has run its course, or we know isn’t good for us. “The relationship is now blocking the flow of growth and life doesn’t support that. So we find ourselves enjoying the relationship less and less until eventually things get bad enough for us to leave,” he explains.
The power in being able to let go is that we no longer hang around, waiting for things to reach the point where they’re unbearable—and we’re miserable. “We can proactively let go when we sense something is becoming irrelevant. That way we suffer less, make more progress and discover more opportunities.”
As humans, we all experience small frustrations. How can this practice release us from getting upset over the little things?
“Any annoyance gets worse the more we resist it. So if we’re stuck in traffic, and we’re sitting there throwing a tantrum, that has the effect of amplifying our annoyance. It makes it worse. And of course it doesn’t help us get to our destination any quicker.”
Letting go is about not resisting the things we can’t do anything about, Matt explains, and instead being open to what life really wants to offer us in that moment. “In the traffic jam that might look like turning on the radio and enjoying the music instead of focussing on how this shouldn’t be happening and how the world is against us,” he adds.
What about letting go of someone who has wronged us?
“One of the hardest things to let go of is righteous indignation—the feeling of being wronged. We get up on our high horse and we like it up there,” Matt says. “This feeling of being in the right and someone else being in the wrong is like a drug. It’s an addictive feeling that we want to hold onto and squeeze every last drop out of.”
But it’s not helpful to hold on to this feeling—in fact, Matt identifies that it’s the cause of most breakdowns in relationships and the reason why many relationships don’t heal. “A big part of letting go of righteous indignation is simply recognising our addiction to it and how it’s not helpful,” he says.
Is it really possible to break free from those really big life challenges—heartbreak, grief, trauma, and so on?
You might be surprised to learn the same principles apply to dealing with the biggest challenges as they do to being stuck in traffic. “In both cases we didn’t want something to happen, but life had different ideas,” Matt says.
“The traffic stopped moving or someone fell out of love with us. And let’s say in this case there was nothing we could do about either of those things. So what are our options? We can either resist what’s happened, make it wrong, and by doing so amplify and extend our suffering. Or we can accept what has happened, feel what needs to be felt, process the experience and move on more quickly.”
A practical guide to letting go
Move from thinking to feeling: “When you find yourself struggling to let go of something and you’re hurting, you’ll probably find yourself going round and round in circles in your mind trying to get rid of that horrible feeling. This doesn’t work as you’ll know if you’ve spent a weekend with your thoughts looping around something you can’t let go of. The feelings don’t go away, they probably get worse. So to let go we’re going to do the opposite of that. Instead of listening to your thoughts, redirect your attention to the uncomfortable sensations in the body that underlie the thoughts.”
Be with the uncomfortable sensations: “Allow them, fully, without trying to get rid of them or change them.”
Put your awareness on the discomfort: “Just be lovingly aware of whatever discomfort you feel in the body. It might be localised in a specific area of the body like the throat, the heart or the stomach. Or it might be a more general feeling of horribleness not located anywhere in particular.”
Stay with those feelings for as long as possible. “The longer you can stay with the discomfort in the body and feel it, the more of the bottled up negative energy you will process and release. This is incredibly empowering. It allows you to move from being the victim when you feel like something has gone wrong, to being actively engaged in a process to heal yourself.”
If you’d like help learning how to let go, visit Bondi Meditation Centre or explore the online course Learn to Let Go by Matt Ringrose here.
Danielle Gay is a Sydney-based journalist, writer and creator, with more than 10 years’ experience in digital and print publishing. Danielle was previously the Editor-in-Chief of local beauty publication Gritty Pretty and Head of Brand at Vogue Australia. You can follow her Substack, Reservations, here.
