Truth be told, just over twelve months ago, I was pretty miserable. As I catapulted through my 20s, I began to lose sight of who I really was. I had no time for self-reflection, my confidence had taken a brutal beating post countless setbacks, and I struggled to find my purpose in life – both professionally and personally.
As someone who likes to think of themselves as a strong, independent woman, it pains me to admit that a lot of the above had to do with the fact that I was still single, especially as it felt as though practically all of my friends were happily loved up and moving onto different phases in their life.
Every engagement announcement or relationship milestone, like a new puppy or a first home, was of course met with elatedness for my friends – I genuinely was happy for them – but also with a sharp pang of jealousy. I hated living in this state of envy and comparison, with my mind constantly full to the brim with questions. Why couldn’t I find the love of my life? Am I not good enough to be in a relationship? Would I ever be that happy?
After a few too many depressive episodes, I knew I had to make a change. I needed to do something completely out of my comfort zone to shake off this low-frequency, negative energy and once again, fall in love with my life and appreciate all the beauty that comes with being single.
After considering a move abroad like every twenty-something-year-old having a mid-life crisis, I ultimately decided against something so dramatic and instead settled on a three-month hot girl summer in Europe, partly with friends, partly with family and partly – here’s the real kicker – by myself.
This marked the first time that I had solo-travelled – and spoiler alert – not only did I have the most incredible time, but it was truly transformative in every sense of the word. Don’t get me wrong, some days were challenging and filled with bouts of loneliness, but overall, the trip helped me fall back in love with being single. Here’s why.
I embodied independence
I’ve always been hyper-independent, but solo-travelling really takes it to a new level. I navigated through foreign public transportation systems, got lost between old-town walls and struggled to string together a few phrases in each country’s native tongue. I was really proud of myself for how well I adjusted to doing everything on my own, and to be honest, I am so grateful I got to have this experience. I learnt so much about myself during the trip, and I know if I had stayed with my high school boyfriend or some flop from Tinder, it’s something I would never have considered doing.
I discovered the difference between solitude and loneliness
I loved being alone during the day whilst solo-travelling. They were filled with exploring shops and galleries in silence, devouring decadent lunches in peace and lying on the stony beaches with a glorious novel in hand. However, at night, when navigating the groups out on the town, that’s when I started to feel really lonely. I quickly found ways to counteract it – eating dinner earlier and then walking around with a drink or gelato in hand, or making yummy local delicacies in my Airbnb paired with the perfect drop and the latest episode of Bridgerton.
Through all this, I was forced to learn the difference between solitude and loneliness – we can be alone and not lonely, and we can also be surrounded by people, yet lonely. This is such a valuable lesson to take as a single person moving forward.
I got to be utterly selfish
I’m a true believer that it is okay and even necessary to be a little selfish sometimes. In between my solo travels, I was fortunate enough to spend time with friends and family. Although I adored spending time with them and creating amazing memories, by the end of these trips, I was looking forward to heading back out by myself and doing my own thing. When you are on your own, you get to do what you want when you want, eat what you want to eat and see exclusively what you want to see. It is such a privilege to be able to prioritise yourself, and this is the very reason I used to love being single in my early twenties. With all the pressure of getting older and the feared ‘biological clock’, my self-love habits unfortunately fell by the wayside, so I appreciated having the time to focus on ME again.
I committed to having fun again
At home, I am married to my routine and tend to date very much with a purpose. I won’t let any date stand between me and my early morning gym class or my Sundays ticking off my to-do list. While I was away, I often used dating apps to meet new people, and I went in knowing that every date would be a fleeting romance. This meant that I didn’t go in with any expectations, and there was zero pressure of anything going further than a moment. I got to flirt with joy and adventure, whether that was riding around Milan after dark on a beautiful man’s Vespa or a week-long romance with my sail week’s bartender. I haven’t had so much fun getting to know new people in such a long time, and ever since I’ve been home, it’s a mindset I have been committed to keeping.
Now I know that solo-travelling may not be for everyone, and it can be rather an expensive way to find solace in singledom, but I do believe you can find this same state of fulfilment at home. Take yourself on a date – go see that movie you’ve been dying to see, explore the city you grew up in or sit down and enjoy a big bowl of pasta paired with a beautiful wine. You won’t be single forever – today may even be the last day – so make sure you make every moment count..
Marisa Jayne is The Paige’s Sex & Dating Editor. She is a Melbourne-based writer, podcaster and publicist who is in a relationship with her own thoughts. She lives by the motto ‘Happy, Pretty, Busy’.
