If you’ve been following along my journey, like many young singles, I’ve dabbled with swiping left and swiping right. Okay, maybe more than dabbled – I’ve been an active dating app user on-and-off for the last eight years.
Although at times the classic profile delete has been because I’ve been seeing someone more seriously, it’s often to do with the fact I am exhausted and in that very moment I’ve resigned to potentially never finding love. Fast forward a week, and there I go, downloading my dating app of choice yet again. It truly can be a vicious cycle.
I recently pondered here on The Paige whether there are too many fish in the sea and why I was feeling so burnt out from dating. It’s something that hasn’t left the forefront of my mind, so I decided to chat to four dating experts about the topic and get their professional input.
This week, I am getting their take on burnout and the idea of choice overload when it comes to dating, and in a follow-up piece next week, the same experts will be addressing the best ways to identify and overcome this type of exhaustion.
Logan Ury is the Director of Relationship Science at the dating app Hinge. She is also the author of the bestselling book, How to Not Die Alone.
Why is ‘dating app burnout’ such a buzzword at the moment?
There are many reasons why people can feel overwhelmed in dating, such as not hearing back from people or consistently going on first dates that feel like job interviews. If you’re feeling this way, you’re not alone. I hear it from clients all the time. But it’s important to know that it isn’t a sign you’re doing anything wrong. It’s a signal that you may need a reset. That might mean slowing down or taking a short break.
What are your thoughts on there being ‘too many fish in the sea’ now that we have access to thousands of potential suitors on dating apps?
While there’s a numbers element to dating, such as going on enough dates to understand what you do and don’t want, increasing the amount of matches you have doesn’t guarantee you’ll get closer to a meaningful connection or relationship. The focus should be on quality, not quantity.
In fact, having too many choices might actually slow you down and make it harder for you to make a decision. Psychology research shows that when we are presented with too many options, we often experience analysis paralysis and decide to make no decision at all. That’s why I love a feature we introduced on Hinge last year called Your Turn Limits. Once you have eight unanswered conversations, it prompts you to either reply or close out your chats before you can make a new connection.
We’ve found this really helps people focus on connection over attention, leading to better conversations and more dates. As a behavioral scientist and someone who’s dedicated my life to helping people find love, I’m enthusiastic about Your Turn Limits because it makes it easier for daters to slow down, evaluate the matches in front of them, and decide if they want to move forward or move on.
Your Turn Limits nudges you to make a decision. That might feel new and uncomfortable in the moment, but it’s designed to help you get closer to finding your person. It’s one thing for me to tell my clients to only have a few conversations at a time, but it’s a lot bolder for Hinge to design a new feature to get people to do just that.
Sera Bozza is an ICF-certified dating coach and the official Tinder Australia dating expert.
Why is ‘dating app burnout’ such a buzzword at the moment?
A lot of people are using dating apps the way they use social media: constantly, passively, and without much self-awareness. They’re opening the app out of boredom, not intention, and then acting surprised when the experience falls flat. That’s not a dating problem, it’s a boundaries problem.
Burnout doesn’t come from the app. It comes from how you’re using it. If you’re logging in while emotionally fried, dopamine-depleted, or just looking for a distraction, of course, it’s going to feel exhausting and you’re not going to make aligned choices… And end up blaming the apps for a cycle you’re reinforcing.
If you’re showing up exhausted, unclear, or jaded, no profile rewrite is going to fix that. People can feel your energy, even through a screen. Your results will always reflect the mindset you bring. Clean that up first.
We’re used to immediacy. You can order a ride in two minutes, a pizza in twenty, and get answers from your phone faster than you can finish the question. So it makes sense that we’ve started expecting connection to happen just as quickly. But relationships don’t follow the same rules. They’ve always taken more time, more effort, and a little bit of emotional risk. That doesn’t mean it’s harder now, it just means we’re adjusting our expectations. Real connection isn’t delivered on demand, but that’s what makes it meaningful when it shows up. And requires us to show up too.
Use the app when you’re clear, curious, and open to connecting.
What are your thoughts on there being ‘too many fish in the sea’?
More access doesn’t mean more compatibility. It just means you need stronger filters, not just for who you connect with, but for how you’re showing up. Choice overload happens when you browse without clarity. If you haven’t figured out what you actually want, everything starts to blur. That’s not the app’s fault. That’s on you.
Dating apps work best when you’re honest with yourself. Your time, your attention, and your energy are your real dating currencies. The sea isn’t the problem. Fishing without bait or a plan is.
We need to stop confusing access with progress. Just because you can connect with more people doesn’t mean you’re moving forward. The tool gives you volume. The quality comes from your choices. This is a good reminder that you don’t have to be passive, which is what loud looking is all about, a trend highlighted in Tinder’s Year in Swipe 2024 report. Loud looking singles are ditching the vague and getting vocal and specific about their needs and desires, confidently and unapologetically.
Be upfront with what you’re looking for, add your interests and jump into the Explore section on Tinder to look for matches who suit your vibe. Whether you’re a serious dater, a foodie or someone who’s music obsessed, you can be as clear as you want and the more aligned your matches will be.
LJ Hawkins is the founder of Unwritten Dating, a new singles events & premium matchmaking service based in Sydney.
Why is ‘dating app burnout’ such a buzzword at the moment?
It’s a huge buzzword and it’s because it’s absolutely real and singles are tired and drained. From the people I meet at my singles events, to those I speak to when they sign up for my Matchmaking services, 90% of them say they have dating app fatigue – hence they are trying out or signing up to Unwritten.
We’ve gamified one of the most deeply human experiences: connection. Swiping, matching, ghosting; it’s relentless, and it’s disconnected from how people actually fall in love. The buzzword exists because a growing number of singles are quietly questioning whether endless digital options are actually serving them, or just keeping them stuck in a loop of almosts and maybes. That fatigue is valid. At Unwritten, we’re seeing a huge shift — people are craving something more meaningful, more grounded, more real. They want to be seen, not just scrolled past.
What are your thoughts on there being ‘too many fish in the sea’ now that we have access to thousands of potential suitors on dating apps?
It’s ironic, isn’t it, that the “too many fish” mentality often means we end up choosing none. There’s this illusion that someone better might just be one swipe away, and that mindset can stop us from going deeper with the right person who’s already in front of us.
At Unwritten, it’s not about quantity, it’s about connection. I totally believe in chemistry and timing, and I host curated events that allow you to meet professional, committed, grounded singles in a fun, relaxed setting. From Supper Clubs, Wine Tasting, Boxing mixers to Ice Baths, Golf Mingles and Coastal Walks. The Unwritten questionnaire that every guest completes before coming to an event means that you will get matched on the day with other singles, but only after you’ve had the time to meet and connect organically and feel the vibe of each other in person.
Jess Matthews (pictured above and in feature image) is the Dating & Relationship Coach behind The Boy Detox program, a month-long program designed to help you learn from your past dating experiences and better understand what exactly you want in a connection. She recently starred in Channel Seven’s Stranded on Honeymoon Island.
Why is ‘dating app burnout’ such a buzzword at the moment?
There are over 1500 dating apps on the market and Tinder revolutionised dating apps in 2012. When you look at this data alone, you get the picture that we have been at the swiping game for A MINUTE so no wonder we’re tired. Humans are social creatures that thrive on connection, but with technology (and apps) for everything, it’s easier than ever to receive instant gratification via personal devices. It might make life more “convenient”, but this comes at the sacrifice of real oxytocin and serotonin that naturally occur via in-person interaction. In summary; more screen dependency = more isolation and heightened dissatisfaction from a lack of social interaction.
What are your thoughts on there being ‘too many fish in the sea’ now that we have access to thousands of potential suitors on dating apps?
It’s not that there are “too many fish in the sea”, it is that the perception that this is the case is now commonplace because of dating apps. Not only do dating apps splinter our focus between eligible men or women who could be worth pursuing if you applied the right amount of attention but there’s a certain element of disposability that further disorients us. Instead of making the effort in real life, we default to texting game with several matches as a safety net, and an excuse not to try.
Think you are experiencing dating burnout? Stay tuned for next week’s piece on how to identify and ultimately overcome the feeling.
