If you are feeling exhausted and hopeless when it comes to dating in this day and age, trust me when I say that you are far from alone. It’s an experience that I personally am very familiar with, and I’ve almost become comfortable with this feeling of romantic fatigue.
A Forbes Health Study last year found that 80% of millennials felt burnt out by dating apps sometimes, often or always, with women also feeling this unwanted energy more so than men. I recently wrote about this idea of exhaustion from dating apps, reflecting on my own experiences and the choice overload phenomenon modern daters are now facing.
Last week, I spoke to four dating experts all about experiencing the dreaded swiping slump and today, they share with me the best ways to identify and overcome dating burnout.
Logan Ury is the Director of Relationship Science at the dating app Hinge. She is also the author of the bestselling book, How to Not Die Alone.
How can we recognise we are burnt out when it comes to dating?
Dating burnout manifests in different ways for different people. You may feel overwhelmed or like you want to take a break from dating.
What is your advice to overcome dating burnout?
Here are my top tips:
- First, if you need to take a break from dating, you should. That’s because mindset is everything. Whether you think the date will go poorly or well, you’re right.
- Focus on quality over quantity. Put effort into your conversations and move to the date faster than you think.
- Send likes and comments to people who genuinely interest you. We found that the best way to avoid dating burnout— and feel more satisfied with your matches — is to go after what you want. Here’s why this works: The more you go after what you want, instead of just waiting for someone to find you, the more in control you feel. And the more in control you feel, the less burnout you experience. Remember, you are in the driver’s seat of your dating life.
- Add an element of play to your dates! Create dates that are designed to help you connect instead of dates that feel like job interviews. For example, meet up in a local park and run around seeing how many dogs you can pet in 30 minutes. That way, even if you’re not a match, at least you had a good time getting to know someone and doing something fun.
Sera Bozza is an ICF-certified dating coach and the official Tinder Australia dating expert.
How can we recognise we’re burnt out with dating?
If dating feels like a chore, that’s your sign. You’re matching but not messaging. You’re starting chats you don’t even want to continue.
That emotional flatline is your nervous system waving a white flag. Another big sign is avoidance. You’re dodging real dates, skipping quality time with friends, but still opening your apps or socials out of habit. That’s not excitement. That’s autopilot.
What is your advice to overcome dating burnout?
Burnout doesn’t mean quit. It means reset. Start by getting brutally clear on what you want. Are you dating for fun, a relationship, or just passing time? Be honest. Then act in a way that aligns with that answer.
Change how and when you use the app and don’t open it when you’re drained. Do it when you’ve got energy, focus, and the headspace to connect properly. Make dating feel rewarding again. Try keeping a list of first date ideas or places you’ve been meaning to check out. That way, even if the date goes nowhere, the experience still adds value to your day.
This might sting, but it matters: if you’re opening the app for validation instead of connection, you’re contributing to the same fatigue you’re complaining about.
Burnout often comes from doing the same thing over and over, hoping it’ll magically feel different. It won’t. So shake things up. Tinder’s Double Date feature is built for that. It turns dating into a shared, low-pressure experience. Bring a friend, keep it playful, and take the pressure off.
If you’re someone who prefers offline energy, try Tinder Matchmaker. Your friends can suggest potential matches for you, which adds a fresh perspective without all the heavy lifting.
And if you want better matches, build a better profile. Low-effort profiles attract low-effort interest, which only adds to the fatigue.
Use the Texting Style Preferences to flag how you like to connect, whether that’s messaging, calls, or meeting in person. You can also head into Explore to find people based on goals, interests, or availability, whether you’re keen for something casual or more serious. Burnout isn’t a signal to give up. It’s your cue to get smarter. Don’t date more. Date better.
LJ Hawkins is the founder of Unwritten Dating, a new singles events & premium matchmaking service based in Sydney.
How can we recognise we are burnt out when it comes to dating?
I think burnout shows up subtly at first. You start feeling jaded, numb, or cynical. You catch yourself dreading dates or avoiding messages altogether. You might swipe out of habit, not out of hope. You tell your friends, “they’re all the same,” or “what’s the point” and really can’t see your future with anyone. If dating starts feeling like a chore and as many tell me ‘an admin job’, then it’s time to take a break. If it’s draining, you’re likely burnt out. It should be energising, exciting and fun.
It might get to the point where you just need a helping hand and a wingwoman. That’s where I come in! With Unwritten Matchmaking, I do the ‘admin’ part. I present matches to my clients who they are actually aligned with, I plan the date, and then we see where it goes from there – often very well!
What is your advice to overcome dating burnout?
I would advise you to step away from the noise and delete the apps for a while. Reconnect with yourself first and enjoy that time you spent swiping to do something for yourself. When you feel happier and grounded, you date differently.
At Unwritten, we encourage singles to change how they meet people. Go to events. Be seen in real life. Give someone five uninterrupted minutes of your attention. I named my business ‘Unwritten’ as it’s a reminder if you’re single, that your story isn’t over — in fact, the most beautiful chapter is still waiting on the next page. It speaks to the possibilities that haven’t yet been lived, the love that hasn’t yet been found, and the connection that’s quietly making its way towards you. My favourite quote is: “How wonderful to think that some of the best days of our lives haven’t even happened yet.”
Remember, it’s all about timing, and right now, you’re exactly where you’re meant to be.
Jess Matthews is the Dating & Relationship Coach behind The Boy Detox program, a month-long program designed to help you learn from your past dating experiences and better understand what exactly you want in a connection. She recently starred in Channel Seven’s Stranded on Honeymoon Island.
How can we recognise we are burnt out when it comes to dating?
Hyperfixation on the apps; matches, getting texts back, distraction from everyday life and just general frustration or anxiety and feeling pressure to MEET SOMEONE. You might also be influenced emotionally via the disenchantment that nobody shows you interest on the apps.
If you are setting up dates on the apps but they start to feel like an obligation or that you’re simply going through the motions with the hope that “this could be the one”, you’re probably approaching burnout. Dating should be fun and naturally accompanied by a sense of excitement. When that fades you’re ticking off a to do list, not staying open to connection.
What is your advice to overcome dating burnout?
Set strict boundaries for yourself on usage. Eg. turn off notifications, only use them for an hour a day and never at work. Or, if you’re starting to feel like the apps are running your life and dictating your moods, take yourself off them.
Focus on the physical connections within your life, and where you can, be open to meeting people in real life. Simple things like smiling at a stranger or complimenting someone on their outfit have the ability to shift your mood, change your perspective and possibly even create a new connection.
